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The Next Town to Hell

This is my first blog of the year! This is why….

I wrote out a blog back in January about ‘goal setting for busy mama’s’. Which made sense, as I’m a busy mama. BUT I realised that what I needed in my life right now –  is LESS goals!  After last years goal-a-thon. Plus I moved to the town next door which is a pretty big goal as far as goals go… So, I left it there and didn’t post it…  My little angel-whirlwind and I have finally settled in and we are looking forward to meeting and making new friends in a new town. Another goal, right there! I like new friends!

My last sort-of-goal and perhaps most important – is to do a little more for others, in whatever small way I can. So, this weekend just gone, I travelled to Calais. To the Jungle. The refugee camp. Although it’s not a camp. It’s almost a slum. That’s really trying to be a camp. It’s a slum, not because of the people living in it – they are doing their best to survive in tents and caravans and wooden huts. And it’s got nothing to do with the angel-like volunteers who are there unpaid working many hours and taking on roles that volunteers at Glastonbury festival would turn their noses up at. It’s a slum because, no one has offered or taken charge of this humanitarian crisis at ground-zero level. It’s a slum because it’s on waste land that was a dump.  It’s a slum because there’s no real infrastructure or public health protection and it’s chaos.

Bear showed us around the camp. Bear is a super human (along with all the others)! He’s an assistant coordinator at the warehouse and the camp. The warehouse is where the coordination happens. Where the goods like food and blankets and clothes come in and get distributed out.

We needed a pass to enter the jungle, which was checked 3 times at 3 check points going into the camp by very unfriendly police.

Walking through that camp was one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had. You’ll walk past groups of youths who look like they’re at holiday camp, playing badminton, football and scaling make-shift buildings. Then you’ll ask a guy if he’s OK and he gives you the hundred mile stare and says ‘No- I’m not OK- would you be?’  We all agreed with him. And tried to understand his point. But we couldn’t really understand. As we all have beds to go to, warm running water, heating, comfort and money flowing in and out of our bank accounts. Even if it’s only a little money.

Make no mistake – this is no holiday camp. These youths are finding ways to keep warm, numb the pain, boredom and escape the living reality of existing in the next town to Hell.

Why did I go? For two reasons. firstly to track down Phoebe Hope – the caravan my family donated to the Camp. It is named after my cousin Oliver and  his lovely wife Fiona’s little girl who passed away as a young baby last year. And to see if I could talk to the family who live in her now. I was told I may not find her. As there are no allocated plots (this isn’t a caravan park either). There are thousands living there now in caravans, tents and makeshift huts.

There aren’t many words that I can use to explain what I saw that day and I’m still trying to process it now. But what I can say that in the despair, there are glimmers of hope. In the sadness there is strong faith. In the dismay there is still laughter and in the humiliation there is still pride.

I found my own emotions swung between intrigue, despair and inertia. One minute I was enjoying a light joke with a native camp dweller, who asked me to take photos of him posing and the next I was looking at a baby peering out of the back of a caravan.. The baby wanted to go outside but I realised that a baby would not even be  able to walk on this ground, littered with all sorts of everything and muddy puddles the size of small streams. The babies are like little prisoners, or like baby chicks caged-in unable to feel or experience much freedom. And no matter what you read in the press – about it being all men, trying to sneak into the UK, there are many families here, with small children. This is one of the saddest parts of camp life.

This level of poverty I have witnessed before. My daughters papa is from the poorest country in South America, Bolivia. Many people live like this there. I spent a few months in Bolivia and many people in extreme poverty are happy (they smile and laugh a lot) and not starving (they have access to 2 meals a day). I’m not romanticising poverty. Poverty is shit. Poverty deprives you and steals your time and energy. Poverty can strip you of your self worth and pride. I could tell when I walked past the group of grown men washing at the make-shift wash area (taps on wooden boards) that they felt humiliated as I looked at them, so I looked away quickly and swallowed the lump in my throat.

We know many people all over the world live like this. In many countries, from Brazil to the Philippines. But there’s something very wrong about this here. The real asylum seekers will have arrived after travelling for weeks, months even. Broken and exhausted, weak, humiliated, tortured and traumatised. The last thing they need to hear is ‘Why are you here? Why didn’t you go there? Why aren’t you doing things properly? Why aren’t you being a sensible, well-organised asylum seeker and going down the ‘proper route’? Why didn’t you google your nearest refugee centre (over in Turkey or elsewhere) and travel there instead?’ Why, why, why?

I was listening to Greg James from BBC Radio One talking today on the morning show –  he travelled to Jordan to speak with the refugees there. And I couldn’t agree more than with this point about them not wanting to be in this situation. These people fled their lovely homes, studies and good jobs, usually with nothing or very little. They ran and sailed and begged. They were terrified and hungry. Many don’t want our precious benefits (and I know they are precious, to us and everyone in the UK) – they want help. And after they have had some help, they want to return to their beloved countries. To help re-build them and create lovely homes and lives once more.

Bear took us to Afghan Square, where the enterprising folk have set up small shops and restaurants. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to sample the goods this time, but I intend to eat there next time and support them in supporting themselves.

Many charities (from Britain and France) are doing amazing work there every day. There’s a church –  a tranquil haven in amidst all the madness. There’s a theatre dome – for creative endeavours, a small school, a women and children’s centre, a health centre, a  youth centre and a legal centre. All set up in old donated shabby tents or shanty huts – this is human civilisation springing up and rising in the face of the lowest adversity.

So, we were walking through a group of shabby caravans and Rebecca from Caravans for Calais turned to me and said ‘There’s Phoebe Hope’ and pointed to a green, weathered looking van. We knocked on the window and it was opened by a lady and her teenage son. Bear explained who I was and I promptly showed her a photo of my daughter standing at the door of Phoebe Hope. I can’t explain what happened but it was one of the most moving experiences of my life. She ran out and held me and thanked me over and over. She couldn’t speak English but her son Sajjad could speak a little.  Fatima offered me food and tea in her little van. Her son repeated ‘This is your van’. I said ‘No, it’s yours’.  I went and sat with her briefly and she showed me a hand drawn picture of her 7 year old son Mohamat. (Her other family members were at the little children’s school). Our tears dropped as we hugged and I promised to visit again. I only got a few minutes with Fatima, but I felt deeply connected.

Living in the town next to hell is not a choice anyone in their right mind would make. It is the ground-zero of choices. Whether you’re an economic migrant or a war refugee. It’s awful.

The next time I make the trip, it will be to spend the full day with Fatima and her family and to hear their stories.  I also hope to start setting up a creative project for the women and children’s centre too.

Something that will stay with me is the spirit and generosity of all the people there. I smiled at a man sitting outside his wooden coffin-like hut (about 6 ft tall by 3 ft wide). There were 3 beds built like bunks inside. He had a bunch of bananas and insisted on giving me one. I wanted to refuse but I thought – humans need to share.  It’s in the fibre of our being. So, I stood and ate a banana with him. Looking out into the jungle chaos in silence. I bowed and said thank you and walked away, then I got into the comfy car, ready to sail back to my warm, comfy life.

Each night since I’ve returned, after tucking my little one in to bed and kissing her all over her sweet face, and I sink into my own warm, soft bed- I think about Fatima. Crammed into our little old caravan with 5 of her family. I think about her dreams for her three children, her life before the war, about what she’s doing to stay sane and survive. And she’s one of the lucky ones.

So, what are my real goals for 2016 – more love, compassion and empathy.

If you feel moved by what is written here, then I urge you to do one or all of these three things:

1)Share this blog.

2)Check out the pictures – they say more than words ever can. See them on my Facecook page here.

3)Get in touch with one of the charities helping here to see how you can contribute or get involved – Check these guys out:

www.helprefugees.org.uk
Emmaus – St Albans

Big beautiful love,
Kerrie xox

Special thanks to Bear Smith who took us around the Jungle and Rebecca Barton from Caravan’s for Calais and Teresa Marks for making this trip possible.

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Your way begins at the other side…

2015 was epic for me. In every way possible. I sometimes couldn’t keep up with it.  Here’s some sentiments on that…

Time is an anchor, a tool to make sure everything doesn’t happen all at once. It aligns the chaos and makes a runway for our desires. Time isn’t somewhere out there.. It’s where we come from.

Expansion happens with the fruition of ideas, the movement of plans and the follow through of those desires.  Feel the impulse of possibility, but make decisions swiftly.

Constriction happens after all expansions. It’s the natural rhythm of the universe. It’s the power testing you, on your power. Feel your way. Slip back into expansion.

Allowing is an art. Accepting is a practice. Having gratitude for them both is also power. Acknowledging the compliments of beloveds and allowance of your ‘loving self-talk’ is what should be guiding you.

2015 broke many barriers for me. I learned to harness my power, I burned brightly, I expanded, I constricted, I allowed, shut down, I realigned and re-learned. I went off course, then realised what was important.

Each human has their own desires. Their own needs and urges. We are one cog within a set of gears that is our family, friends and community or tribe.

It is up to us to live and own our truth. To step in to and own our power. To apply purpose to the sojourn we are on. To learn the magic of light and dark.  To feel the pulse of our heart and longing. To honour that stuff.

You and you alone know what that means for you. When we stop asking for others’  acceptance, we grow. Let go of that shit that didn’t serve you with deep breath, let go of 2015 with love…

Your way begins at the other side.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall.
Escape.
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
—Rumi

 

Big, beautiful love,

Kerrie xox

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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True Love Rocks

True Love Rocks

Well, I had a sweet weekend and it was full of sweet surprises..

I went to one of my oldest and bestest friends 40th birthday parties. It was at a cute little venue in the town that I live… Her name is Buckie – well it’s actually Clair – but her surname is Buck, and we call many of our friends by their surname. And it suits her, she’s a teeny petite woman with a massive aura! She’s like a spitfire…

We were all instructed to be there early… So after a bottle of champagne at home with some mates, we headed there at about 7.30pm. We were the first to arrive, which is pretty unheard of for me.. As any of my friends can tell you..

We ate and chatted and drank mini bottles of Prosecco with straws until the majority of guests arrived.. The dance floor was getting busy at about 9pm…  Which is pretty early, but we were all loving being together.. It’s not that often that all our friends are together in one place to party!

I popped to the loo and as I came out I realised the music had stopped.. and as I got towards the dance floor I realised there was a speech going on! It was my friends partner Darren who is also a DJ… BUT then I noticed that she was wearing a bridal gown with a cute little headband and a bouquet of roses in hand…. I was trying to suss out what was going on for a few seconds as Darren’s words became a bit of a fuzz…

Then it hit me! She’d got married! They’d got married…!

Only for a split second was I surprised.. Then, I was like, of course they did, they are madly in love and are totally meant for each other..

In fact, I’ve never seen her so happy and settled. I’ve known Darren for many years, but at a distant really… He’s a great guy, genuine and kind and generous. Clair has two boys from previous marriages. And Darren is awesome with them too!

Buckie, I’ve been hanging out with since I was about 13, and we used to get up to all sorts of mischief together, alongside our other friends… (Another story)…!

The party then became turbo-charged.. Even the bride was seen doing the caterpillar on the dance floor among other party tricks and stunts…

This is Clair’s (and Darren’s) third marriage each. So, I supposed this is where we were all surprised… But in a good way.

Having married and separated myself I was so, so happy for them and also eager to know about her feelings… And this is what she told me…

“I never thought I would find happiness again, let alone marry again after my second divorce. But it never made me lose my faith in marriage. I met Darren 20 years ago when we worked together… When we finally got together in 2011, I knew this really was the one…Although I’d done it before, I never said forever (I know this is bad, but I never thought forever). I absolutely knew he was, and is…My plans for the future are nothing majorly complicated… I now have all I ever wanted… But OUR plans are to keep happy, healthy enjoy and take in all our fab times together… And mostly to keep true to each other.  I thank for everything in my life at least 10 times a day…”

This is a true love story. They are a couple who actually make me happy to watch them… And I kept welling up as I looked at all their photo’s..

With a lot of the current news being so sad and full of war of late.. This is a beautiful piece of news that I needed to share… My point being, that there’s always room for more love.

Congratulations Buckie and Darren, you guys rock!

Here’s a cute pic of them kissing! You’re welcome!

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Big, beautiful love,

Kerrie xox

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The pleasure and the pain….

The pleasure and pain of life…

So, last week it was my dad’s birthday and on the day of his birthday, we went to listen to him deliver a moving and touching speech to a few hundred people at a packed out church in Bedford, UK.

It was World Remembrance Day for Road Traffic Victims, of which my beloved 19 year old brother was one of them… He died suddenly on Halloween 1998, when the car he was a passenger in hit a tree at high speed on a rainy night.

The sudden death of a family member brings dark times. It’s hard to see or feel the light for a while. But slowly, the sensations of pleasure come back into your life… At first they are unwanted sensations, the guilt pings us back into the pain. The pain becomes comfortable…Eventually the pleasure brings new waves of euphoria and the realisation that life cannot be stopped. It is a force.

One such ‘light’ for our family was the Road Victims Trust. They are a charity who provide counselling and support to those left behind following the death of a loved one. Often people are so consumed with their own grief that they can’t look into each others eyes or feel each others hearts, or hear each others voices. So, to have a service, like this, that is free, and is there for you and your needs – is literally a God-send!

During the service, my heart was with those families left behind in the Paris massacres. A mindless, violent act that can’t be taken back. I really hope those families get the support they need to move on with their lives eventually.

Life is a dance of pleasure and pain… I’ve worked in the self development industry for many years and there’s an ideology that we’re looking for a perfectly happy, pain free existence… I don’t actually think it can exist… At least not right now…

Pain is an indicator… a yard stick that we can move. It shows us where we are at and that we need to work through stuff to push through to the other side… Pain can be found in family and friends, accidents and mindless behaviour…attempting to forgive and learning to understand others..

Pleasure is desire, love, open-ness, connection, soul-stirring conversations. It’s the flashes of inspiration, the warmth of an embrace and laughter of your little ones… It’s the happiness found in family and friends, forgiveness, true empathy and more love…

It’s all energy and it’s there for a reason… To bring us back to the into alignment, bind us and make us whole and present… It’s not meant to be perfect, it’s meant to be real.

Have a beautiful one…

Kerrie xox

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Birth, death and everything in between…

Birth, death and everything in between…

The last few weeks have been filled with important occurrences.

The 4th birthday of my daughter, the anniversary of the death of my brother and.. most importantly the birth of my new little nephew…

He’s called Ralphie and his middle name is Kevin, after my brother, who died. And he’s totally mesmerising. He was huge! 8lb 11oz here in the UK and 3.94  KG for those of you elsewhere… And my sister – for the record – is tiny. A UK size 6 and a very petite person. She’s a super-star.

Life’s made up of many of these little and not so little events. While birth and death are completely seismic, birthdays are beautiful little rituals. All are important –  they are extraordinary, key moments that offer us chances to love a little more… And keep us in tune with the natural rhythms of life.

Smack bang in the middle of these events, a few days after the birth of my nephew, my younger sister began to feel unwell. She had constant cramp in one of her sides. And after much pain and being unable to walk. She left her baby at home with her partner and went off to A&E with our mum.  The following day (in between pumping lots of breast milk), she went down to theatre and they removed her appendix and some debris from her fallopian tube.  She is absolutely fine now and we have an excellent health service here (lucky for us).  Something we take for granted a little. She was back home breastfeeding her little soldier by the next evening. This luck might not have been granted to our sisters across the globe in poorer places or to those women living in refugee camps.

Life is strange…in that it has so many twists and turns, ups and downs, but what makes it all seem right, okay and beautiful is family. Strong or not, together or not, dysfunctional or not. Of course, we are not always strong. Things fall apart, people fall apart, life comes apart at the seams. We get caught up in our own drama’s and others….

But where would we be without it all?  Life’s happenings are the heartbeat that pump us up in the present, and keep us going. Whether that be forwards, side-wards or backwards for a time. Then there’s stoppage time and downtime. Play time and love time. Time to reflect and time to re-evaluate.

Life always offers us beautiful chances to go a little deeper… For me it’s all about the appreciation of it all…

Have a brave, beautiful week…

Kerrie xox

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What’s your Woo-Woo?

So, I’ve half written a book. I started in when I was pregnant in 2011.  It’s plotted out all the way to the end and some chapters are finished. It’s a children’s novel and I think it has potential… It makes me happy when I think about it. If that mean’s anything!

Storytelling is a passion of mine, since my college days, where myself and fellow students took theatre in education sessions to kids in schools in Luton in the UK.

So, this book.. It’s one of my biggest dreams and I can’t seem to get it finished! What’s all that about? I am busy though. A story we all tell ourselves. I’m a single mum to a spritely 3 year old. I work and I blog and I have a good social life. (Lucky me)!

But, why is it that some of our biggest dreams get shelved…?

I’ve heard that Harry Potter was shelved for a while and I know it had masses of rejection before it found success.

I’ve been wondering about the fear of failure and if I have it around my book! As I’ve struggled with it in the past. I wrote a blog for 4 months and didn’t tell anyone about it for fear of visibility.

So, I’ve made a promise to myself to get started and make some bold moves on behalf of my dream. This means: super early mornings, a structured plan to fit more writing in and a little bit of woo-woo sprinkled on top.  Maybe a bit of theta meditation and lots of running! I get lots of ideas when I’m running.

As always, a great place to turn is the Sacred & Sexy Community on Facebook. So, here’s a little share of what a bit of Woo-Woo means to them whilst striving:

‘This may be a boring answer but I get most of my ideas whilst walking or driving, and sometimes washing the dishes. So while I do a lot of “research”, I find that when I just reflecting and pondering that things click in my head.’ Lana Le, Illustrator 

‘I write a blog for moms so my inspiration for each week comes from everyday moments but from a woo-woo perspective once I get the idea it’s almost like it clicks in my brain. Then I literally start writing in my mind and it’s like the words consume me until I can dump them onto paper. Sounds bizarre, I know. I have to get them out. I’ve been known to pull over and write in the side of the road while the kids groan and tell me they are going to be late!’ Jennifer Diaz, Blogger

‘Do something totally out of your comfort zone first. Like run up the down escalator like a kid. Sing out loud while walking down the street. Totally empowering. Breaks the shackles of normal thinking (and maybe rational thinking)’! Molly Green, Career Coach 

‘It’s not very woo woo but I start my day with a meditation and some handwriting before I go into my real work-related writing. Even when I have tough ideas I can’t easily work through I will write it all out by hand. Maybe it’s because I’m a lefty and it stimulates the right side of my brain but my thinking always comes out differently on paper vs on a keyboard’. Laura Jones, 

‘Wine always helps me write. So does coffee. But I have started pulling oracle cards and asking “what would it take to make this writing the best I can do”? Lacy Laubacher, MisfitMystic

‘Writing does not always come easily so it helps to connect to the Divine. I put my arms up to the sky, tilt my head back, and ask for God, Spirit, Higher Power to work through me and send me whatever I am supposed to create and share’. Karen Costello, Life Coach

‘I go to the source of all within myself and open up to what’s there trusting all I need to know now is shown to me. Being present is my way’. Denise Barbi, Reverend, Intuitive Healer & Teacher 

Some beautiful stuff here and as aways inspirational…

This quote sums up how I’m feeling right now..

“Why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.” – J.K. Rowling

What about you and your big dreams? Need more Woo-Woo in your life?  If you’d like to join our special community of women, then we’d love to see you there. Click here! 

Have a big beautiful week ladies..

Kerrie xox

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How to be our authentic selves…

How to be our authentic selves…

Myself and my group ‘Weird Sisters’ met last night… It’s a group of women who come together to explore spiritual and ethereal concepts and ideas once a month. Last night we worked on the idea of being more of our true selves and having the confidence to express ourselves fully. 

When you think about acting from a place of and being your absolute authentic selves… Do you feel free and alive or do you feel contracted and afraid?

I’ve been exploring this concept a lot since the break up with my husband…In fact, we do shed old selves several times throughout our lives.  Usually following a big break up or the loss of a loved one and the birth of a new one! I reckon I’ve had a few past selves…!

It was interesting to listen to some of the women in the room, and some of them said about how they often  suppressed their creative urges to fit in with the opinions of others. Living up to other peoples expectations.

Often as children, and as women we are expected to be good.  We let our lives play out allowing the expectations of others to rule our navigation. We revert to living our lives in other peoples value systems. This doesn’t serve us and never will. Of course, we have to live with some kind of filter, as we would never fit in otherwise and that could be a lonely place too…

Some questions for us:

What are our core values?

Are we operating from them?

Are we running away from them?

What would I do if I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me? 

And here are some ideas:

  • Worry less about our perceived image
  • Be more of the real me
  • Be wild and free
  • Say yes and no more
  • Give more compliments
  • Swear more
  • Be more playful and cheeky and let our laughter out
  • Have more courage and confidence in our voice and values
  • Prioritise our wellbeing – yes – even above your family sometimes

Telling our truth is not easy, but it does get easier with practice.

At a fashion show recently, Helen Mirren said, she wishes she’d have told people to fuck off more… “We were sort of brought up to be polite and sometimes politeness, in certain circumstances, is not what’s required,” she said. “You’ve got to have the courage to stand up for yourself occasionally when it’s needed.”

And I love this –  our generation can say no more and more with conviction and staying true to our real selves…

Let your  truth and inspiration lead you, step into your power ladies…  I’ll leave you with a quote from Katherine Hepburn.. ‘If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun..’ 

Have a big, beautiful week.

Kerrie xox

 

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Just enjoying being mummy…

Why I’m just enjoying being ‘mummy’ more than ever..

I have really been enjoying motherhood lately. It isn’t that I don’t always enjoy it (although sometimes it sucks right…??!!) It’s that I’ve spent a lot of the past couple of years being a little bit too busy and always in a rush. I’ve heard myself on many occasions say to my little girl…’I haven’t got time now, darling’.. or ‘Later honey, mummy’s really busy right now’.. Only to see her little face crumple with disappointment. Last week she even said to me ‘you like playing with Freddie (the dog) more than me…’ and this broke my heart a little.

And of course, we are all busy. I don’t have other kids, but most of my friends do, and I see how busy they are. I have one little girl and she keeps me on my toes.. along side my business and doggie. I also realised I’ve been concerned about so many little things about parenthood that are quite frankly not worth worrying about.. Again, I know we can all do this as mums.. It’s our instinct and it’s nature.

But I’ve been thinking about what’s really important.. What stuff to sweat and what stuff to not…

I’ve been talking to my Sacred & Sexy Community about this and I love some of the beautiful and poignant insights they’ve given us…

Here’s the gist… 

  • Not worrying about rigid bed times all the time. Letting them sleep in your bed when they need to and giving them extra cuddles at night as they drop off.
  • Trusting yourself more as their mum and not relying on books and other peoples opinions and parenting ideals as law.
  • Stop worrying about the feeding and weening as much as we do. They will tell us when they are hungry and they will eat when they are hungry. Let them experiment at their own pace.
  • Getting to know them, really accepting that they are their own little personalities with their own wants and loves and needs and that we shouldn’t be pushing our needs on to them at all times.

I know, it’s not always realistic to just let it all go and live like there is only the present moment. We all need to get to bed and get up in the morning with other responsibilities.. For me it’s been about finding the balance.

It’s also about understanding and trusting that children are passing through lots of phases very quickly, and this is far more stressful for them than it is for us…

Here are some lovely quotes on being a little more mindful… 

“I wish I had known back the how to stay in the moment more with my little one. To not worry about my to do lists as much as I did but to devote concentrated mindful moments daily with little distraction. My first child had special needs as well and I spent a lot of time worrying for his future. He is a teenager and doing fantastic- didn’t need to worry!” Juliana Hauser Mills Morris 

“Enjoy every day cause it passes so quick, the house work work and washing can wait but smiles and hugs don’t.” Maureen O’Toole

“I wish I had been more present. I was busy cooking, cleaning, working etc and I really wish I had spent more time just looking into his eyes and appreciated him even more. It took me a long time to really understand that I should parent the child he is, not the child I think he should be. He was and still is an awesome, amazing human being that has taught me so much.” Lorraine Nylund

For me, I’m learning to embrace these times of toddlerhood. The imperfect day to day rhythms.  The 1000 times we have to read a single story, the night-time pillow chats about which what type of fairies we are, the ridiculously early morning chats about what our favourite breakfasts are and the general mundane stuff that will, in time, be distant memories…

If you’d like to join a tribe of beautiful, mindful, passionate women from all over the world, who are the game-changers then click here .

Big, beautiful, brave love,

Kerrie xox

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Heels and Hangovers

I have had a serious hangover the past day! And sore feet from so much dancing. I’m not proud, but neither am I sorry..

I was a party girl for a long time. My dad owned the busiest pub in the town I grew up in for 25 years and I was always up for a party and a good time. My uncles owned a few of the night clubs in the town next door too. So, I often partied hard from Thursday to Sunday. In fact I know that I indulged way too much and it often interfered with my studies and work. And I absolutely believe that if this is happening a lot, then we need to address it.

In fact I even went tee-total for a year in 2008 and it was one of the best things I did for myself. After the sudden death of my brother, I was prone to depression and anxiety.

Nowadays I allow myself the luxury of letting my hair down properly every now and again. So it doesn’t interfere with my work or home life, I get my daughter looked after for the duration.   I like the occasional wild night out and it actually makes me a better mum and friend. Because I keep them entertained with photo’s like this: My Daft Punk get up whilst out in London at the weekend for one of my best friends birthdays! We danced and partied till we dropped.

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In all seriousness, as long as partying isn’t interfering with life, then it’s good for you. Women do have a tendency to feel guilt for almost everything they do. If they’re not seen as perfect or always being good. I could occasionally do this too. But I know I’m more whole and real when I’m happy. And sometimes that means getting drunk and dancing all night.

As one of my favourite coaches – Danielle LaPorte likes to say ‘Get your halo dirty’ and I intend to do just that…

Get your halos dirty ladies, as long as it makes you happy…

Have a big, beautiful and brave week.

Kerrie xox

 

 

Open post

Birthdays, beloveds and besties…

It was my birthday on Saturday.. I was 38! And I’m definitely getting happier the older I get…

In fact, I’m way happier now than I was at 28 and even 18.

I hear many people complain about getting older and that makes me a little sad.. I think perhaps when you loose someone so young.. (my brother died at 19 years old), you do appreciate the years notching up. Each birthday counts…

I’ve had a blessed, if not a little crazy life.  Things haven’t gone to plan, they’ve messed up and gone awry. There’s been some serious ups and downs and much to be celebrated and commiserated. But, as I look back at the past 38 years, I feel a sense of wonder. My life has been like a giant brilliant, colourful patchwork… A mad mosaic, a tapestry of life’s art… The fuck-ups and the love-ups.. Much of the seam has come undone and there are all the dazzling colours under the sun.  It’s a big beautiful mess… But it’s my life and I wouldn’t have done it differently. I wake up to a little brown eyed cherub each day, my daughter who is without a doubt the love of my life and my biggest teacher.

I’ve come so far, yet there’s so much more to be done, places to go, stuff to create…I have a constant feeling of movement in my solar plexus, like Vianne in Chocolat.. I should have been a nomad…

This weekend, I got to play a little golf at The Kevin Duggan Golf Academy – a charity set up in memory of my brother who was a super talented golfer… It was the ten year anniversary of the opening of this superb little centre of excellence. It is funded by the Ryder Cup and is the brainchild of the force that is my dad, Declan Duggan. Proud is an understatement…

Then I went to the Luton Mela festival with my beloveds and got to see some badass Asian talent and eat homemade curry.. I was cooked a birthday brunch by my dad and baked a red velvet cake by my 11 year old sister..And yesterday I went to see two of my favourite old bands UB40 and Brand New Heavies at a beautiful park in Bedford. It was a glorious sunny day and I got to eat picnic and drink bubbles all day with all my beautiful best friends…

The simple pleasures of a person who is getting older and happier by the year!

Have a good week all.. Be happy!

Kerrie xox

 

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